Just A Mom from Ohio

What is Christmas in 2020 teaching us? It seems that I constantly hear how awful this year is and has been. It is undeniable that 2020 has brought in an immense disruption to life as we knew it. Still I'd like to challenge the mindset that a new date on a calendar is what will bring us back to whatever we thought was "good enough" or "better" before.  Life is hard. It always has been from my angle and life has also always had hope. However, so often I couldn't recognize that light of hope until I was beyond that season and looking back.  This year, 2020, I made some accomplishments in healing through EMDR by discovering the presence of my Hope in some very dark times, long, long ago. It took vulnerability and intention to see the good in past pain.  What will we see when we get past 2020? What hope was trying to break through the darkness?  Are we supposed to be living for next year or for today? This year has taught me to trust God . God has provided and k...

I looked out the window and saw snow on my car. Apparently there was a weather report warning of it. Do you pay as much attention to the weather report as I do? It's Ohio in November or was it April 1st, anything is possible. This weather reminds me of a new CD I have loaded in my car. Yes, I still buy Cd's. Luckily, I found this one at a BAM (Books-A-Million) without having to order online. Cd's are becoming a rarity. The CD is The Elements by Toby Mac. It's been 4 months that I have almost written this blog. What's the hold up? There is not really that much pressure to write, its just my own delay. Or is it the elements of the spiritual warfare getting in my way? When I'm driving in the car and I listen to this CD, it starts with the song, "The Elements" and I love it! It pumps me up. The part that resonates with me so much lately is the fight, the struggle. For about 6 weeks, I've gotten back into a workout routine and its good. The adrenal...

Layers. There are so many layers. We start out as a seed in our mothers womb, which was also a seed in her mothers womb, and on and on. We have been carried around for generations unbeknownst to ourselves. Have you ever heard of such a thing as generational trauma? For me and many others, it is real. September is suicide awareness month. If you have read my blogs or posts then you will know that I am unashamed about mental health and my journey with it. There is a history of suicide in my family. There are traumas woven throughout my heritage, as like many of yours. So what else can I do but face it. I sure as heck haven't been able to escape it or the effects of it, no matter how hard I have tried. Stuffing it, numbing it, talking through it, giving it to God, are all part of my journey. There doesn't seem to be a one size fits all answer.  painted rocks for suicide awareness from a friend and her group of amazing people Today, I'm writing about a simple yet p...

Summer Sunsets...in Ohio In a year like 2020 has been for so many, I am shifting my eyes and my attention to the gifts all around me. We are so blessed in this state with all sorts of amazing places to STOP and notice God's glory and  masterpiece. What are you focusing on these days?  This is a picture taken at Lake Erie Bluffs. It is by far my favorite picture. The tiger lily was placed there to help me capture some extra color. I absolutely love the way it turned out. (Thank you God!!!)  This is another picture, another flower, same sunset, same place, just a few steps over and a few minutes before. I don't have to edit God's work 😁 There are hundreds of amazing photos of God's handiwork on my phone. I'm going to start showcasing it here on the blog site. It's hard for me to keep it to myself because I know its a reminder of God's promise to me and to all of you.  Thank you God for blessing us with a sunset and a sunrise. The color...

Sitting in a room, something isn't right, I'm not sure what's off so I just keep on talking. Anything is better than that awkward silence right? Apparently not. Leaving feeling worse than I did when I got there. Sad, confused, but I am aware. This is for my good. This is progress. This is growth. She stopped me eventually, she asked me if this was working for me. No. I said, its not really. I wanted to ask what was wrong with her today. But this has been a continued theme. It's not always been this way. I've changed. Maybe she has changed. We've changed. And that's OK. Why has it been so hard for me to face truth? Why is it so hard to sit in the uncomfortable awareness of my own flaws? Just because I may not have caused all of the wounds, I can't ignore the effects of the scars. I can't continue to pick the scabs and keep on halfway healing and not take ownership. Just because something isn't working that does not mean I just ru...